Click here to read Part 1 of Why Are Women Less Happy Than Men?
The Happy List
When it all comes down to it, the little things in life are what make most people happy. Here are a few things that girlfriends have said that makes them happy:
- Being able to spend some real quality time with their kids everyday (not just some half-arsed baby-sitting to make sure he/she doesn’t get hurt while trying to squeeze in some work at the same time).
- Being able to sleep in at least once a week.
- Having some alone time just to think, read or do nothing everyday.
- Having enough money to pay the bills and a little left-over for saving. (Being filthy stinking rich would be nice, but not the highest priority.)
- Being able to travel to at least one new place a year, whether it is a couple of hours away, or three time zones away.
- Being able to go on dates with the boyfriend/husband.
- Spending time with family.
- Having a girl’s night out once in awhile.
- Doing something stimulating and challenging for work.
- Not feeling like a complete basket-case and having a manageable level of stress.
The Trade-Off
As a twentysomething woman, girls in my generation were raised with high expectations: you can work and have a family—you can have it all! Before I had a child, I really, truly believed this. However, having a baby has changed my perspective and priorities. Call me what you want, but the reality is that I have a hard time seeing how I can work full-time and be able to spend enough quality time with my husband and daughter once all the daily chores are done.
I’ve already heard of an old co-worker who returned to work for a couple months once returning from her maternity leave, only to quit after making the tough decision to look after her daughter until she gets a bit older. Can we really have it all and be happy? When I go back to work, I will be sacrificing a lot of things from my Happy List because there simply isn’t enough time in a day to do everything I want to do.
If someone were to ask me now if I am happy, I would say yes. If someone were to pose the same question to me in the midst of a hectic day at work while feeling guilty about not spending time with my daughter, the answer might be different.
There are no easy answers or solutions for working women. Most societies expect women to work and raise a family. More specifically, I think women place this pressure on themselves, and are often very critical of other women. If a mother decides to be a full-time stay at-home mom, she’s painted as having no ambitions. If a woman chooses to forgo having kids to focus on her career, she’s deemed selfish. Have you ever heard a man judge another man so harshly?
Are women working today because they want to pursue careers? Or because society expects it? Or because they need the income to make ends meet? It’s probably a combination of the three.
In an ideal world we could all have fulfilling, high-paying careers and have ample leisure time to spend with family and friends. The reality is that most women, particularly mothers with young children, have to make sacrifices. What sacrifices are you willing to make?
Maybe as women we can have it all, but maybe not just all at once.
While traveling in Thailand last year, I had the opportunity to spend time with some locals in rural villages. They had no running water, they all shared a communal television set, and they lived in huts. Yet they were happy. Why? Because life is simpler there. They had their family, friends, and enough food to put on the table. Perhaps our lives have become too complicated.
Finding Little Moments of Happiness
My Biological Baby Doesn’t Look Like Me
My First Mother’s Day as a Mom
One Mom’s Quest to Burst the Sterile Bubble
